The 'F' Word by Jones Ayuwo

{ Please indulge me and read this one aloud…trust me its better
that way. }••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
¤•• Firstly, forget it, for this shall not feature fickle phony
phrases vastly favoured in fervoured informal speech, that
emphatic homophone of ‘fork’.
The ‘f’ word is the fervent cry of the freedom fighter fleeing
the forbidden fruit! Fighting feline feelings in their eve-like
glory, provocatively hiding behind the fabricated façade of
fabulous fabric, Eve’s leaves, as they offer juicy bites from
glistening fatal fruit.
A few years afore, a strapping lad with a catapult in hand, a
Disney song in heart and nothing in mind but Dexter’s Lab,
Ed, Edd n’ Eddy and Samurai Jack. Fast forward a few
years, a few feigned feisty felicitations, a few jambs and
post jambs, voilà! The inevitable corrupter, the f-factor, the
future… Females.
A fed up forlorn figure fighting feline wanton feelings,
resurging like a stubborn wave, a fiery fiend, armed with
nought but the façade of hope for fellowships of fire fighters
to quench this fiery fiend. They say the land of the future is
fertile, if I sow the seeds of book work, that the fertilizer of
classes would make them produce produce for pro use…
But this seemingly fun vacation is rife with fornication and
there’s no hope in sight for reportedly, even the first lady
has quipped “This strike shall continue till ‘funder’ notice” (I
guess it’s due to lack of funds!)
I am fed up with the fetid falseness of the feminine folk!
(Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love them) but their famed
feminism is but a façade! For they frequently expect open
doors and candour and chivalry and dainty little gifts and
finger foods eaten with forks, well fork that! (Yes, I know I
said I wouldn’t). If we are equals why do I have to take you
out on your birthday and take You out on Mine! If we are
equals we should share all the expenses of going to the
movies equally! Hell! If we are equals you should walk up to
me and say “Wayword, I like you!” (But maybe not out loud
*wink* ) And for all their feminism, you couldn’t take their
sworn fidelity to the bank !!
Forgive my fanatically flavoured seeming chauvinism. I
know I shall come under much fire, but in the field of fire it
is fight of flight, and this is but a fleeting phase of
aerophobia.
In a nutshell, females complicate lives with their ferocious
feline appeal, ficticious desires, feelings that are in a state
of fracas, fleeting foreign fascinations, fickle feminism and
far fetched demands. I know this is but a fading facet of our
lives but it is a formative, befuddled, foggy, festooned,
fracas filled fading facet of our lives.